When Grief Is Too Much

Mar 29

When grief strikes, it's disruptive. There are changes in your brain, in the rest of your physiology and also in your emotional state - all resulting in altered behavior. Because you often don't recognize what's happening, these behaviors creep up on you in your ever-effort of pushing down or avoiding the feelings of isolation, pain and loneliness. They can hold you back from being able to experience peace or fulfillment. They can affect your relationships and your professional life.

But if you don't even know you're grieving, how can you begin to take steps toward recovery? Read on to learn some signs that you may be experiencing grief that needs to be explored.

What Are Some Signs of Grief

When you're trying to figure out "do I need to deal more in-depth with this grief," what would be the sure signs? Here are some key indicators.

Restlessness

When you're grieving, there can be a clear sense of unrest, constant unrest. You can't sleep. You can't think. Your emotions are all over the place. You feel like you're out of control. It doesn't mean that you're exhibiting out of control behaviors, but instead it's a feeling deep down inside.

Grief Can Affect Your Performance at Work

Brain Fog

Another common effect is having a muddled brain - not being able to focus or concentrate. This is because there's so much going on in your brain, in your subconscious, that you can't get past it. All the other feelings, thoughts and emotions which stem from the loss and grief are holding back your brain from working systematically and properly. This is called “grief brain”. It’s a real thing.

Anger

Anger is HUGE, and most grieving people experience this. It could be an individual that's been very patient and quiet with their outbursts, but all of a sudden they're beginning to lash out. Or, if you're no stranger to anger, perhaps you are suddenly unable to control it regularly and just feel generally angry or even rageful. That's a clear indicator that something is going on that's been unprocessed.

Grief Can Cause You to Lash Out at Loved Ones

to be seen and heard - regardless of what their condition is, regardless of if they don't remember who you are, regardless of if they have another terminal illness. This is vital, because intuitively the individual knows that, senses it. They know when someone is there to care for them.

It's also essential that the caregiver has adequate health and wellbeing to be able to show up and properly care for the individual. If they are overly fatigued or stressed, that's when mistakes, sometimes very grave oversights, can take place.

Shame & Guilt

Loss and grief in and of themselves can trigger deep feelings of shame and guilt, notably if the loss is complicated or you feel there are many things left incomplete in between you and the thing or person lost. But when these other behaviors which manifest from unaddressed grief are added on top, shame and guilt can be exacerbated. This stems from beliefs that you are not "performing" in the way that you think you should be. If left unaddressed, these feelings can be some of the most pernicious, as they can affect your sense of self and happiness on a deep level.

Okay, you're officially grieving….now what?

So what do you do then? Well, first of all, this awareness is indispensable. It hinges upon understanding and recognizing what loss looks like. Any type of loss is valid. Is it a death? Divorce? The loss of a pet? The loss of a lifestyle - whether it's due to diseases, retirements or other factors? A loss of financial security? There are so many things that can trigger these intense feelings of loss and grief.

When you examine yourself and recognize that yes, there is something there that needs to be addressed, to move forward you must find whatever resources are available to you. But what are some good grief and loss resources?

There's one-on-one and group therapy. There are workshops, support groups. Since some people just don't want to talk, especially during certain phases of their grief journey, books, YouTube channels, forums and other less directly interactive resources can be helpful. It can be some sort of alternative modality if you're not open to therapy or going in for group support. But whatever you decide will work for you initially, it's important that after you have the awareness that you are grieving, that action is taken. It's about taking an active role in restoring the peace and the balance in your life. This will help us to move toward the best and most integrated version of yourself, in your own time.

If you or someone you know might benefit from more personalized resources on grief and loss, Center for the Heart is always here to help connect you with information and tools that can help!

Grief

Emily Paige